


Answers to Questions - a collection of poems

by mk_tortie



Category: Original Work
Genre: Other, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-27
Updated: 2011-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-18 17:53:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/191600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_tortie/pseuds/mk_tortie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of my original poetry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Three Dreams

Before the sun rises today I will have three dreams.

I dream first of gold. The corn in the field is swaying, so softly, in the autumn breeze, and your body is covered like a king's. This rich cloth is no silent witness, but I trust it to keep its secrets, buried like the seeds that spring to life as the seasons pass. I am not afraid.

I dream next of incense. My mind is clouded by its fragrance: I float unheeding of the cries. The swelling tides of the thrashing sea drown the screams of the gulls, sharp beaked though they may be. What am I if not free? I am not afraid.

I dream last of darkness. Space is the final frontier, they say, but beyond the stars is no one and nothing. Here I lie, anchored by you to a place none may reach, except perhaps in dreams. Confused; I am not dreaming, but dying. Am I? I am not afraid.

And so I gasp, and wake, and forget;

As the sun rises today I will lose three dreams, and you.


	2. gathering dust

empty and cold  
like a hermit crab shell, abandoned  
outgrown like an old shoe  
grass grows over and I am sucked into the ground

shaken and old  
like a wizened old man, blown  
in the storm like a torn autumn leaf  
the wind tastes my hair and I am ripped by the roots

scolded and told  
like a child, like a fool, whipped  
with your words like a thief like a slave  
the sand bites my toes and my pyramid falls

given and sold  
like sorry and please, used  
in careless abandon like a scribbling pad  
fragments of thought in my head, on my lips

a word, please; a sign  
a signal, a note  
that I am now yours and no longer  
alone in my head with these things with these truths  
with these old lives;

for I am empty, and cold.


	3. Watch Me

Watch me  
I am no ordinary image  
I am no flitting in the dark shadow  
Sunbeam through slit windows am I  
Last light filtered dust in shade and tone  
Seeping like water drops through the air of the room

Watch me  
I am yours for the taking  
I am the answer in whole and nothing but  
Nothing other than what I appear to be  
And unchanging; life in waking and dreaming  
Quelled not by fallen tree or flooded path

Watch me  
Listen to the music of water  
Listen to the music of living beating breathing hearts  
In blood rush am I whole and live in you  
Take me hesitating only in gentleness  
I do not want you to leave me

Watch me, for I cannot take my eyes away from you.


	4. Answers to Questions - a poem in four parts

And the glass of the house is open and empty  
And the eyes on the ceiling are staring and wild  
And the lover's embrace is of ashes and embers  
And the stones of the path are the teeth of a child

And my mother is often alone in the daytime  
And the answer is given and gladly received  
And the scream in the woods does not break when you squeeze it  
Although you may squeeze it as hard as you please

And the nightmare of blood is not over when waking  
And the sun is in bloom from the dawn to the dusk  
And the sweet scented swift seeking stream in the garden  
Ambles over the gate like a bird with a crust

And my father is right that I'm glad to be lazy  
And the fox on the grass is a stranger in flight  
And the chances they took on the heath after sunset  
Are the only escape for the bewildered tonight.


	5. A Song of Life, and What May Be

I have not grieved, nor breathed my last  
The coldest stone is yet the coldest  
And past, and time, and war, and blood  
Are concepts still not grey with age

I've seen mist hang heavy in the glen  
A watercolour blur, damp on my cheek  
So I am spared deepest despair  
And desolation, and fear, and hunger and thirst

And the small grey church is still a home of sorts  
And the open fields are bleak and free  
The wind snaps at my cold-appled cheeks  
I close my book, climb down the wall, and walk the long hard road and leave.


	6. The Aldwych on Whale Day

Aldwych on whale day  
Beetle-scuttling masses  
Look not, speak not, stop not,  
Black-suited armour against uncaring world  
Greetings at the newsstand  
Pennies for a world-connection  
Crossword for the lunch-rush

A whale under the bridge brings the crowds together  
The ordinary man is a hero and the unusual breaks reality

Death ends the spell

Stopgap evening pub time  
One more city-given talking point  
Light-pooled doorways breathe drink-fuelled wobblers  
Sleeping-bag street corners passed  
See not, stop not, give not  
City sleeps for new beetle morning-haste


	7. Love

Some emotion given received  
I've wanted longtime  
Sometime objects of devotion faded and whispered away into the ether

I despaired

Fear strikes the heart  
Lightening bolt fast  
Interlocked eternally with love  
I cannot separate these feelings so close and yet so far  
Apart in nature  
In your arms the only place I am safe from demons and devils of darkening desolation

Alone thinking is like a glass too many times washed  
Fractured reflections mirror in myself  
Do not let me fall

Please

I have suspended myself far over the abyss at your encouragement  
And I do not know how strong my rope is  
Coloured dancing floating beauty light sparks around me but lose myself too long and I could slip  
Any accidental cut could leave me hanging by a thread and that I do not wish to even contemplate my life in pieces shatteredonthefloorandIama

lostsoulwhispered

out

into

the

ether


	8. A Letter to C.

Smile  
Tell me to smile  
Hold me and tell me it will be alright  
I don't need much  
But sometimes  
I just want to fall into your embrace  
Stay there for a while  
And pretend that you love me

I don't mind that you don't want me  
Or at least, not like that  
But I wish  
Once in a while  
You would let me believe  
Just a few moments  
Is that too much to ask?

I've written songs for you  
Spilled my heart to you  
Asked your advice  
And not once have you complained  
And not once have you told me you felt anything for me  
So it's a no, then  
OK  
I'll back off

But just once more  
Just as a friend  
Won't you please hold me?


	9. Memorial

I walk in darkness  
Step by step  
The grass beneath my feet shines silver in the twilight  
Behind me, a trail of broken leaves extends across the field  
Like a snail's path;  
I tread onwards.

The air is cool on my face  
A whispering wind brushes my cheek  
Busy; it does not notice me, invader in its night-time territory.  
Trees rustle a response to its gentle persuasions,  
Disturbing small creatures.  
If I stop and listen, I can hear them  
A snuffle, a squeak, a shriek  
The patter of mouse-feet  
Close enough to my toes to feel the shiver of a tiny life crossing my path  
I tread onwards still.

I reach my aim and run my fingers across the trunk  
I read it like Braille  
I am a nightly visitor here  
Each ridge tells me something new –  
An insect has been here.  
And there –  
That stump – a twig has gone.

Every night I lay my cheek here  
My memory tree, this.  
Eyes closed, I breath in its scent  
Wood-leaf-sap-smell  
We are old friends, tree and I  
Comfortable.

Time is still, here.

I turn, and do not glance back  
And walk across the lightening field  
And leave your memorial to the night and the breeze and the creatures  
And I tread onwards, still.


	10. Ode to Life's Small Wonders

I have never looked up at a full moon  
Laid on the soft grey-lit grass  
My back damp but still warm  
Your comfortable presence by my side.

But I have loved with such intensity  
That all else pales  
And life seems but a shadow  
And I can't help my heart singing with joy

I have never known what it is to hunger  
Never known the dry earth to crack and crumble  
Beneath worn out, famine-shrivelled toes  
Nor walked miles for a single drop of muddied water

But I have thirsted for knowledge  
Like a grey old scholar  
Found solace in the words of others  
Had my mind forced open and broken down

I have never seen total darkness  
Had my hopes crushed inescapably  
Known the despair that comes  
When there is nothing that can be done

But I have stood in blackness ringed with light  
Seen the sun be hidden and yet still live  
The sea spray shining suddenly no more  
Tasting sweet ever-after on my lips

I have never floated over myself  
Died and risen again  
The choice between now and then  
Has never been laid at my feet

But I have opened my eyes to see bright light  
Streaming through a window  
And wondered at the way it highlights the dust  
So they become prisms falling slowly.

I have never believed in war  
Felt the hard cold blood-lust rise beneath my skin  
Needed to tear apart the earth  
Simply to see that I could do it

But I have seen the light-dappled earth  
Leaf-littered beneath green-sprouting branches  
Each ray a water droplet staining the ground  
Warming my skin, a dry forest shower.

So many frozen moments I have still to know  
And memories of things I've had  
Tinged with feelings past, like old inks  
And some still fresh and new, drying in my mind.


	11. After Telling Him

I notice things in detail  
Even something small;

Like the way my cheeks feel have worn away, like sandpaper  
Unlike their usual softness

Like the way my fingers shake  
Softly, slightly

Like the way my breath catches in my throat  
There is a rock in the way of the air

Like the way my hair stands on end along my arms  
And it feels like each one is quivering, individually

Sodden tissues are strewn around me and now I feel heavy

Still

At least I told him.


	12. Melancholy

A state of blueness  
A pensive mood  
A swirling maelstrom  
A distant, high-drifting cloud  
An overwhelming sense of not-right  
A tiredness in my bones  
A dreamlike floating state whilst waking  
A heavy dragging  
An impending sense of doom  
A surrounding darkness  
An abandonment  
A lack of care  
A blackout of emotion

And in my hours alone I feel and yet do not, and still am whole.


	13. growing up

escalating into control  
I wind down from my peak  
in spirals falling leaf-like  
the ground taking my fall  
soft soft a surprise

intensely, like tin roof raindrops  
I am serious  
glory dizzy heights behind me  
cold hard earth underfoot  
vision still-lake clear


	14. Introspection

When the time came, she knew she would do nothing.

There was nothing she could do.

When she was a small child  
her fatheralways read her stories of  
brave knights and damsels in distress and  
she had wanted to be the knight  
riding in  
shining armour and all and  
rescuing everyone.

At school  
she had been the child in the corner  
who had to be saved  
from the bigger children's taunts

When she grew up  
she read tales of the wars  
of the French resistance  
of brave souls winning against all the odds and  
fighting down pressure from those around them  
to ride to victory

In college  
she had been the one  
who kept her head down and  
did not stand out above the crowd  
it made life easier for herself  
no matter what she really thought.

She was never going to live up to her own aspirations of bravery and renown.

When the time came, she knew she would do nothing.


End file.
